So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
