so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
