I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
