We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
