i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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