Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
