Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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