I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
