you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
