My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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