That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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