I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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