Umm I'm too high to move.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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