I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
