Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
