K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
