I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
