You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
