I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
