i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
