her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
if only i could text you this smell
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
