HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't put those talents on a resume
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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