somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
