so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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