can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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