i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
