I CAN MOONWALK!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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