My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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