One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
