Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
