i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
