We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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