You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
