I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
