Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
