I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is Oprah even human
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
