Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
