Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
