Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
