you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
