I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
