Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
