the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
