I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
