i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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