isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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