How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
