Where is the hickey?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
