he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
