Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
