I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
