I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
