you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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